Conversations { on Spiritual & Dietary Institutions…}

{ Fictional Stories about Factual Food Reviews }
A Monologue…

“What’s good!?”
“What do you want?”
“What do you mean ‘what do I want?‘ There’s only one thing I ever really want… that you can actually help me with?!”
“I’m busy man.”
“Well you’ve been busy for hours now and I’m HANGRY! So feed me before I destroy you, slowly, possibly and probably surely.”

“What are you going on about ?”
“This will continue until you feed me.”
“Urgh!? Okay what do you want?”
“Talk to me nicely first! Rude.”
“Okay darling. What would you like to eat today between my work schedule and now?”
“Well you can eat your sarcasm because in-fact, I’d like something very sweet…”

“So are you hungry or are you just craving? Because if you’re craving then we need to talk about it…”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk though.”
“Okay so should we uberEats it have a lie down ride out the momentary depressive episode and then get back to work?”
“Urgh I dunno, my energy is high though so I kind of need a light distraction, hence the sugar craving…”
“What no lollipops nah, no boiled sweets?”
“You finished them…”
“Coke, Tonic Water?”
“We need to sort a steady supplier…”
“We need to quit because your lungs, my lips.”
“But we’re always in sync when we draw.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Internalised that tabooed narrative and can’t go at it with you today, not right now, I know we’ll agree but my energy isn’t as high as yours.”
“Yo help me man.”
“Chill, I’m trying… Chicken and Chips? McD’s, take out UberEats?”
You’re supposed to be Vegan remember ? Our monthly shop is literally meat and dairy free…? Let’s not backslide for this one. Cant we just cook something?”
“Wait hold on, was that a dig? Are you criticising me for your weaknesses?”
“Help me. I’m dying!”
“I will kill you?!”
“You do every time you force feed me that dead meat… Honestly though what was harder being a Christian or a Vegan?”
“Wowww, we’re going down that road yeah? When did you become so critical? Bitch?!”
“When did you become so emotionally, physically and spiritually abusive, neglectful. Of me! You neglect me, you don’t care about my needs you force me into a manic state when you practically ignore me and choose your work over me!?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m confused, and I’m scared and I cant sit still and I need to be grounded.”
“Okay baby, let’s cook something to keep your mind focused.”
“Can we bake? I’m craving citrus and cakes and stuff.”
“Okay babe, sure.”
“Look I’ll cook for you but I’m still pissed about what you said, that was mean.”
“But it’s true though? We never ever had to make any open verbal agreements on the topic of Veganism because we know what always felt right for us growing up.”
“Exactly, we’re lean and light on our feet, heady, in the clouds of intellectualism and ideas; we survive on fresh vegetables and fruits, meat slows us down?!”
“But who foots the organic bill for that palette? And in winter when I hibernate and you go mad up there, who begs for a slab of medium rare beef steak to ease the state of so called entrapment?! Or when my period comes and you loose it, because I cant move and you want to leave me?”
“I know but…”
“There are no buts, I have to deal with the physical while you float around freely and pop up to challenge my intellect and my dietary patience. You abuse ME!?”
“We used to be in sync…”
“You used to try to convert people to Christianity too, what happened? Ha!”
“I don’t want to talk about it!!! I don’t want to talk!”
“See how it feels. Not nice innit?”

“Okay look, spirituality is liberating once you tap into it, but very private and precious. Once too many people are in on your particular narrative, especially if it seems to work for you, they want to corrupt it, corrupt you and infiltrate your belief system to satisfy their rabid egos.”
“Yeah but that’s because people look for a God outside of themselves, and become violent in the process, self destruction, implode, explode. Big Bang, Let there be Light! Hahaha!”
“Yo chill.”
“Okay Mary Magdalene…”
“Nah have some respect because when I introduced you to Christianity you shifted your physical way of being. I get it was hard and it messed you up a bit when the practise and theory didn’t correlate, but still there were benefits.”
“Well that’s exactly what you were like when I committed to Veganism? You agreed with the concept but were mad because I gave a name and a narrative to what we did naturally.”
“You made me feel guilty for wanting to keep you healthy?”
“No that wasn’t me that was an internalised narrative?! We spoke about this already?!”
“Ohh Banana Bread pudding!!!”
“See, just like that flighty, off in the clouds, you need grounding.”
“That convo dragged, always does, weren’t on it.”
“See. Rude.”
“Argh… Sorry, look I need that Lemon Curd now… I need combinations of textures, I need a scientific experiment to happen on a plate now!”
“Cool let’s do this… Actually I’ll make it like a muffin this time, but with a dusty crispy top, and puffy moist interior, ripened bananas will add a fourth texture!”
“So eggs? I can’t do eggs man I just cant eat dead babies! You don’t eat your menstrual period so don’t expect me to eat another animals’!? Nasty man.”
“Yooo chilllll. No eggs, no butter, no dairy milk.”
“Okay talk me through the ingredients then… Please…”
“Aite, so we have,

  • 3 Bananas
    1 Cup of melted Olive Oil Butter
    3 table spoons of Brown Sugar
    2 cups of Self Raising Flour
    1/2 a teaspoon of Baking Powder
    1/2 cup of Soya Milk

“Yooo…. This is lit!”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“Relax man, not that deep.”
“Embrace me or I’ll throw up in your mouth.”
“Already have mate… But yeah smash this all together in a bowl, butter up a baking tray or whatever, sprinkle sugar and pour in the mixture.”
“Ahh we have to wait?”
“You wanna eat it raw yeah?! 25 to 35 minutes, heated oven on 200, bake on 180, take out leave to stand, we good. Let’s get the Greek Yoghurt and Lemon Curd ready.”
“Thank you…”
“It’s okay… You feeling better now?”
“Yeah, I guess I just felt a bit panicky and had a lot on our mind.”
“I know I was listening… and yep I do agree the Bible and most other religious institutions that have been somewhat forced onto us are riddled with holes and gaps and misinterpretations, but you just gotta figure out what you feel is true to you and follow your instinct.”
“God given or given God?”
“Haa!! See you still got it! Just stay calm, think freely and don’t be afraid, fear cripples and regardless, we create our own realities, it is because we believe that our worlds exist anyway.”
“I don’t want to talk anymore… Let’s relax and just comfort eat the healthy way without worrying too much about things we don’t even really believe in…”
“Shhh, you said that out loud?!”
“Yoo we’re in sync again!”

Words, Dish & Photography by Obui Amaechi.


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