Honestly, I’m not even really one to talk about it unless it’s deeply moving and feels incredibly necessary. A lot of energy is wasted, leaving me feeling exasperated, drained and at times, bored.
Sometimes it truly is just a matter of time, in a matter of time, being on time and good timing…
Most times it’s the brutal rawness of reality that can haunt, scar and trigger traumatic memories, reminders of set backs, existential reminders that lead to severe panic attacks…
I find that time as a human concept, is a way we allow our egos to trick us into believing we have more control over our lives than we actually do. The gift of waking in the morning and foraging through the day into the night and being able to fall into a state of unconsciousness; where we can deliberate on our findings in the subconscious realm, as our bodies heal from the physical labour we put them through.
The temple. The Holy temple some might say.
It’s so hard not to make reference to spiritual institutions that teach us about purpose, destiny, trials and the gift of eternal life…
But I’ll resist for the sake of time, a semi natural resistance to institutional ideological subjugations, and subjection.
I digress and simultaneously regress into a conventional philosophical state of reasoning.
With regards to personal struggles and setbacks, one tends to hope that the idea, need and desire for community that has been embedded into our psyches as social beings, resonates from within our hearts into reality. We often find ourselves projecting our ideals onto the world and the people around us. For example, if we see good in ourselves we hope to see it in others, if we have a streak of empathy in our hearts towards other’s misfortune, we expect to get a return on that investment. Perhaps then with a lack of expectations, life would seem more bearable and filled with less disappointment?
Needless to say, theory over practise on most occasions as Lemonade is more appealing as a beverage served, on a hot summers day. In most scenarios we cannot get back that which we have lost, so if we look at time as an ideology we chose to live by/through, we can also choose to let loose the concept of time, the constraints of time inflicted on us, burdening us and torturing us with reminders of a rat race towards an end goal we may not have personally set for ourselves.
To look back with regret, or in the words of one Gallagher brother, “in anger”, we choose in those brief moments of melancholic lamentation, (which for some may lead to a type of grief that lingers in the form of depressive episodes / disorder NEC ) to ignore time as present, we choose to force time into a past tense framework, that pauses on behalf of our inadequacies. So why don’t we do the same for time in future tense? Why are we rarely present, content, alive, living in the moment with gratitude and grace? Why do we lack the humility that honours our lack of control over our own lives?
Are we too proud to be present? Or are we so far away in a delusional state set by our egos, to accept that life seems to have been gifted to us as living beings, as we have no control over our birth into life or the passing from one state to another?
As much as we tend to focus on the textured details of our pasts with deep nostalgia, reality reminds us that currently, that space no longer exists in the physical realm and sharing these memories through whichever end of the human emotional spectrum you choose, is truly your prerogative. Still doesn’t change the old adage ‘Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes’ and even if the circumstance allows the experience would be subject to the psychological state and make up of said being. No one person is alike, so the act of sharing ones experience tends to fall quite neatly and darkly humoured at that into the framework of Art.
These days an onlooker might make conclusions about your life through the social media lens of their choice, and notice the short snapshots of happiness, successes in relationships, work and what may seem like the material result of financial success, but have no idea what your everyday reality is truly like. They are absent on your down days, and most people aren’t really willing to stay tuned into those episodes, finding that they too have negatives to process, work through and develop into positive prints in the photographic time-lapse of their lives.
Some may come into your life to form relationships with good intentions, without taking into consideration the baggage you may be working through from a past that did not include them. This is inevitable as a lifetime of experiences whether positive but for this case particularly negative, cannot be erased or unlearnt overnight, hence the need for love in the form of understanding, patience and moral support.
Some may find in them a short term capacity for an empathetic session of offloading from one side of the ship to another, in an attempt to sail into a promising future of chanced fortune and riches over pointless baggage. Our egos are reminded that this is not the case, as often as needed through a brutal bashing of reluctance toward the notion of relatability.
When a negative experience shared falls on deaf ears, is mocked, minimised, dismissed or trivialised and a trauma relived, the ego is crushed by the weight of it’s supposed inability to correctly relay or creatively express a past reality, in a way that might include the other in a sentimental mourning of one’s old self. A self that the other, according to the ego was yet to experience if not for said mishap. And in that particular case, time is up. The moment has passed, as is that version of self, which failed to make it to the present day for a reason. If the seed of that self could not bear fruit for future harvest, then is it really worth lamenting? With an ounce of empathy I might add, for the sake of a fragile ego or shattered heart; could the beauty and strength in the present self be worth more? Could it be deserving of more attention before it’s own time passes and a cycle of regret continues into a state of disorder that the mind can no longer dig itself out from?
Some might conclude on looking into your life with less empathy, that you do not have anything to complain, worry or be sad about, choosing to subject your experiences to the weight of the burden on the scales of their own misfortune; employing a type of ignorance that completely dismisses individual nuances of personal experience. Would you rather subject yourself to a cycle of dismissal or come to terms with the existential state of being that has the strength and capacity to fence the ego with a solid keep to manage accordingly?
Could you take the time to take your time with your time? To whom much is given much is required, yes… So could it be helpful to be still and know that life in itself is a gift, to treasure, to manage, to maintain and to enjoy respectfully (subject to ones own moral leaning) ?
You could argue that the presence of the present could be enough to lead one into a state of meditation, of self evaluation and reflexivity, an employment so preoccupying, that distraction to goals set internally, become taxing to the point of purposed avoidance…
Let’s not waste time on this one…
Cease the day…
P.S: Even if you find that you are Alone… clarity is the constant and vision is ETERNAL. Focus on your goal, allow destiny to do it’s thing. Your business with life and soul will keep you focused and sane.
Words & Photography by Obui Amaechi